Opening Day

America's pastime, baseball, returns to season tomorrow, April 5th. In the first game of the series the Boston Red Sox came from behind twice to defeat the defending world champions, New York Yankees. With the return of warm weather comes the return of hope to all baseball fans that this year will be better than last. Every team gets a fresh start, everyone starts undefeated, this will not last long for many teams, notibly the Pirates, Orioles, and Royals, regardless their fans still hope. This year, like every year, "experts" think it might just be the Cubs' year, it never is, it never will be, once again the Cubs will fall short. The Braves think they have a chance again in manager Bobby Cox's finally season at the helm. The Phillies, Cardnials, Red Sox, and Yankees look to dominate Major League Baseball once again.

Easter

Today millions across the world are waking up and putting on their Easter clothes, the best clothes in their wardrobe in order to show off, rather than give thanks that Jesus Christ died for their sins. In just one short week Tiger Woods will rise and after pissing pure excellence, don his famous red nike shirt. Woods will wipe the dirt off of his shoulders, walk onto the hallowed grounds at Augusta National Golf Club and retake his title as the world's greatest golfer. Since Thanksgiving his life has been ruined by his wife and the news media. Crucified in his own right for reaping the rewards of being the best. He deserved no punishment what so ever, instead in addition to having his personal life destroyed by the media, he lost hundreds of millions of dollars simply because his wife, Elin Woods, a woman, could not control her emotions, and forgot her place in this world.

One week remains until Tiger Woods can take his place atop the golfing world again, he came back after changing his swing, after his father passed away, after a arthroscopic knee surgery, and again after a total ACL repair; each time Woods returned from a long hiatus the media said that he would not be as good as before, however every time he came back better than before. This time will be no different, Tiger Woods will win the Masters and in doing so give one big "Fuck You" to the media, his wife, and everyone who ever doubted him.

Tiger Woods, God Damn American Hero

SEAMEN GOTW- Allie Johnson

The Daily SEAMEN, in conjunction with Team SEAMEN, starts a new weekly series, Seamen Girl of the Week. The team could think of no better girl to start our series with than Allie Johnson. Allie graduated from Briarwood Christian School in May of 2008. She has since moved on to Oxford, Mississippi where she is enrolled at the University of Mississippi, where she is a proud member of Chi Omega Sorority. Allie has never know love outside of her love for the Lord and her family, she once had a short fling with SEAMEN friend Daniel Wallace; Allie is currently on-again, off-again, with Taylor Sams, a Jew. Johnson could not be reached for comment.

Age: 19

Height: ~5'6"

Measurements: N/A

Interests: Nights in Homewood

Favorite Quote: "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

Star Jackson Returns to Practice

TUSCALOOSA, AL - Spring is in the air and the 2009 National Champions are back on the field for spring practice. The Crimson Tide started their regimine of spring practice on March 12th and will conclude with the annual A-Day game, April 17th. Reserve quarterback Star Jackson (2) missed the first three practices due to a suspension handed down by Coach Nick Saban. The suspension is due to poor academic performance from the once highly touted high school recruit. This seems to shock many people, a guy that can't learn the offense has a hard time understanding college classes. He came to the University and was already a father, its not like the is Vanderbilt University. This is one of the dumbest players on the football team, who is surprised that he failed some classes? Not me. The news media rejoiced on Wednesday when Star Jackson was cleared to return to practice. He is the fourth string quarterback, who cares. He lost his back-up job to a guy holding a redshirt. He was third string for the national championship, had Alabama starter Greg McElroy been unable to participate in the Rose Bowl, AJ McCarron (10) would have used an entire year of eligibility for only a portion of one game, the coaching staff has no confidence in Jackson. He will never play a meaningful down at the University of Alabama.

More on AJ McCarron next week in The Daily SEAMEN.

Grand Buffet

Team SEAMEN kicks off their month-long feeding trough tour March 26th, at the Grand Buffet, located in Tuscaloosa. The team was looking forward to the experience; the prospect of all-you-can-eat anything was appetizing to the hungry Seamen. They were surprised upon arriving that it looked more like a rundown electronic bingo casino than a restaurant. The inside was poorly and cheaply decorated, in a traditional chinese buffet style. The team was immediately struck by the massive amounts of food laid before them. Serving station after serving station filled with everything from traditional chinese food, to steak, fish, sushi, and even seafood. The other patrons in the establishment were, "Dicey, at best." said Reeves. An extremely diverse population within the restaurant, all sharing two common traits, they were poor and fat, enthralled with the possibility of chowing down on a massive feast.

We decided to start by loading our plates with non-chinese food, our thoughts were to postpone MSG intake as late as possible, allowing us to consume more. The American selection was vast, flank stake, porkchops, stuffed chicken, mac and cheese, and many, many more selections. I took a seat and immediately began eating. Neither Jeff or I were impressed with the American selections not really surprised tho. They were made in a cheap way and only to serve as mild substitutes for the real thing. Our expectations for the oriental food were much higher. The chinese dishes were truly below par, beef dishes were acceptable but the chicken dishes were hardly tolerable, the meat, if you can call it that, was disgusting, the texture indescribable. Jeff described the sesame chicken as, "the worst chicken I've had in my life." The hot and sour soup had reduced to the point is was very thick. Crab legs, often considered a delicacy, were far from that at the Grand Buffet. They rested in a pool of soupy, cloudy, water; the taste was not awful but not great. Most of the chinese food is best described as well below average. The American food is pretty much down right awful. The bright spot in the restaurant was certainly the sugar doughnuts. We refused to pay the requested donation and headed out, writing it off as a bad experience.

The Grand Buffet is a feeding trough, it is not good food but it is all-you-can-eat and offers massive variety. It can be moderately enjoyable but only if you are in the mood for it. The requested price is steep at ten dollars and not really worth it.

Grand Buffet

205.752.8998

4126 McFarland Boulevard East

Tuscaloosa, Al 35405

Price: $10 (requested)/person; Free

Value: Not worth paying

Food: D-

Atmosphere: D

Service: B-

Overall: D

Next week in The Daily SEAMEN, check out the team's review of City Buffet

The Masters

TUSCALOOSA, AL - Team SEAMEN announced late Thursday that The SEAMEN Times will be completely dedicated to the Masters, next weekend, April 8-11. Tiger Woods is an idol of both Jeff and Stephen and the teammates feel that it is their duty to dedicate their lives to following Woods at Augusta National. When asked why The SEAMEN Times would be dedicated exclusively to news on Tiger Woods, Stephen responded simply, "[h]e's a goddamn American hero."

Bike Rider Falls in Shame

It’s time for bike riders to stop terrorizing the campus walkways. Bikers seem to think that it’s okay for them to weave through dense pedestrian traffic at ridiculously high speeds. It’s not okay. It is, in fact, unecessary. Our state is currently the second fattest state, only behind Mississippi. Stop riding a bike and walk off the pounds. Sure, bikers are helping our planet by "going green," but thats all the more reason why I don't like them. More to come on that in a later article.

Bikers are a destructive force on our sidewalks. This is why it gives me so much pleasure to tell you this story. Coming out of Shelby Hall, I was walking with a group of about 20 to 30 people when a biker decided to test his weaving abilities through our crowd. As he passed by, narrowly avoiding arms, backpacks, and other extremities, the crowd immediately became angry at the biker. As the biker went off the sidewalk and onto the pavement, he hit a patch of sand and his bike was upended. The rider flew off and, not wearing a helmet, smashed his head upon the pavement. The contents of his folder that he was carrying was spread all over the pavement. No one did a thing. A professor walked by, but stayed his distance. Still angry from his narrow misses earlier, the crowd was in no mood to help the biker. The biker, no doubt embarrassed, slowly arose and drove off. He was bleeding profusely from his arm and ear.

A message to bikers on campus: No one respects a man on a 10-speed. Get off your high horse and walk.