Yes and No

TUSCALOOSA, AL - A staple of a good diet is a simple sandwich. Everyone knows to pass on traditional fast food and head to a healthy alternative such as Quiznos or Subway. This desire for healthy food was on display today in the food court of the Ferguson Center, the student union building located in the heart of the University of Alabama campus. An unidentified co-ed, potentially a sophomore or junior member of a greek organization, was approaching the Bama Dining cashier. In one hand this health conscious student held a sandwich from the Blimpie franchise in the food court; however, in the other hand she held a large order of fries from Chick-Fil-A. Apparently she missed the memo that french fries are not healthy, one good choice does not cancel out a bad choice. "Stupidity is not an excuse, neither is taste, a female should understand her is to be attractive," Team SEAMEN member Stephen commented on the matter, "eat healthy, exercise, tan, thats the holy trinity for college girls." A healthy lifestyle comes from making healthy choices, while a sandwich is typically a good decision, french fries are never acceptable for females desiring the attention of men.

Feeding Trough

Billions across the world hate Americans, primarily because of our excessiveness. Americans have huge houses, supermarkets, numerous entertainment possibilities, bulging bellies, huge restaurants, yet we still desire bigger and better. Chinese buffets, once a cheap, convenient, option for lunch or dinner, have become massive buffets with everything from Oriental to Mexican food. Everything is offered in mass, all-you-can-eat fashion. Throughout the spring, in the Lifestyle section of the SEAMEN Times, Jeff and Stephen will be touring the all-you-can-eat buffets of Tuscaloosa and reporting on our findings.

Spring Health Study

TUSCALOOSA, AL - The spring weather is upon us here in Tuscaloosa, with that means more opportunities to be outside and more importantly visits to the pool. With these lond-dormant freedoms comes a new wardrobe, a much more revealing wardrobe. That requires men and women to be much more fit, the fat that they were able to neglect, ignore, and hide over the previous few cold months is no longer acceptable. Everyone knows and aknowledges this fact, spring is the season for exercise and diet. The SEAMEN Times will take a definite interest in exercise and dieting habits over the coming months. In a new section, Health, debuting April 1st.

LL Bean

School supply shopping is always an important event that occurs every summer for school kids between four and eightteen, among the most important selection is that of a backpack. Throughout the early twenty-first century, LL Bean back packs were extremely popular, privileged kids were even able to have their initials monogramed on the backpack. These LL Bean products were super cool in 8th grade and due to their durability, acceptable throughout highschool. In 2010, the times have changed, college is not highschool, it is time to get rid of that monogrammed LL Bean backpack and move on to a big kid model. (Yes, pale, chubby, girl with cellulite walking across the quad today, I am talking to you.)

The Chinese Military

This is why China is not a part of NATO.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA968F33tco

Strong Men

TUSCALOOSA, AL - Low weight, high repetition workouts are noted for being better to tone muscle rather than fewer reps of a higher weight. Some people seem to take this idea to an extreme. Last week in the Aquatic Center on the campus of the University of Alabama, two young students were focusing on biceps, they took the idea of low weight, high rep to a whole new level, that or they are just really weak and unworthy of this University. University officials have launched a judicial investigation into the sharing of a bench by two men at the same time. The image provided, by University Recreation, shows the two alleged faggots in the background curling with eight pound dumbbells. In contrast, Team SEAMEN members do one hundred repetitions with twenty pound dumbbells.

Mark Norton

I don't like Mark Norton. I don't like how he updates his facebook status ten times a day. As a matter of fact, I don't like anyone who posts meaningless things as their status in attempt to make themselves look better. Mark Norton is a freshman at Auburn in the likes of English 102 and other extremely difficult 100 level courses. Every day, he complains what a terrible day it was because he had such "difficult" classes. "yeah english papers.... not fun" and "if english as a class died with no hope of resurrection, I'd be cool with that....." and "is reading a billion pages for history... Yay..." are just a few of the many worthless things he posts for us to read every day. I'm sorry, Mark, that you have such a strenuous and difficult class load in your 100 level courses. No one cares. Writing a 3 page argument paper about a chapter of a book must really suck. When you get out of your 8th grade level classes, then you can complain. His friend writes "yea that test was ridiculous." Really? Yea that english test must have been awful. Which leads me to my next point. I despise anyone who writes about how difficult their test was. No one cares. Go take a two and half hour organic chemistry test then try to complain about your "impossible" 100 level courses.

Mark Norton continues to show his ignorance. "can't wait till America wakes up and kicks Barak "Insane" Obama out of office... Good Lord he is such an anti-patriot who supports passing a bill unconstitutionally...." I don't even know where to start with this one. First off, he spelled our president's name wrong. Second, the bill was not passed unconstitutionally. Third, he, like 98% of all other Alabamians, has absolutely no clue what the bill is about. He is merely satisfying the social demands made by his peers. Certainly, I am not an advocate of this bill, but at least I know what the bill's implications are. Understand the bill (and the constitution...oh wait you have to go back to the fourth grade for that one. But I understand, I know how difficult that grade must have been for you) before you make an ignorant comment about it.

It's not over yet. Mark Norton is obsessed with himself; a narcissistic fool perhaps. "Just landed an epic jump down a vast staircase on a bike in front of like a 50 person tour group" Good job, Mark. We're proud of you. After he completes his impossible course load for the day, he goes home and "jams." He writes "is avoiding an english paper by playing drums... O yeah!" Whoop-de-freakin-doo Mark. You can play the drums. No one cares. He also uses the phrase "boom son." For example, he writes, "has got himself some Medicine Man drums!! Boom Son!!" and "Mario Fannin just played my cajon.... BOOM SON!!!" Enough said.

In conclusion, Mark Norton, stop. No one cares about your awful 100 level courses, your amazing drumming abilities, or your complete lack of knowledge about the world.